(ps people i wrote this after a really bad night where i went to a wedding party and sat at a table alone while everyone talked and i just sat silent and alone for three hours...so i had some time to refelct and well i reflected....a bit much but its not bad as a comparison on movies and my life )

Who am I? I’m the girl in the movies that never has a happy ending. A hopeless dreamer that spends far too much time every morning trying to look perfect and feeling anything but that. The girl that worries weeks ahead of that one special night out that so rarely happens to her, worries so much she can hardly breath or focus on anything but the possibilities of what marvels may lay ahead. Most of the time this happens to be some hilarious montage in a chick flick or comedy where no one feels sorry for “that girl”, but for that girl she can’t hear the light hearted music or see string after string of seemingly comical events that her viewers have, she just lives life like we do - without the theme music. She spends an hour every night fantasying that she’s beautiful, thin, rich, popular, and charismatic, that she has friends that admire her and gets the glances from guys. She falls asleep every night hoping that her dreams won’t fade as she awakens – that for once it could all be real. She spends the whole day doing her hair and make-up, trying on that expensive, make-me-feel-like-a-princess dress for that special night where maybe her dreams will finally become more than the perfect scene she’s imagined in her mind since she was eight. Then that night comes, she walks into the darkly lit dance room, the light from the open doors filtering from behind her, she’s stunning and yet no one notices. She walks farther into the room, her confidence fading, those hopes and dreams forgotten. The camera zooms out, showing her as flawlessly perfect, and standing alone in a sea of bodies with some invisible barrier that keeps everyone five feet from her.

So here stands our heroine unmoving, looking utterly broken. It’s not one of those movies where she’s invited as a joke and everyone laughs and points, or pulls some prank, it’s the movie where she’s the girl no one knows – that no one notices. Now she’s choking back tears because she knows that it’s always going to be like this, that no one will look at her, she’ll never be pretty enough, never be anything but the pitiful thing she is now. A tear falls from her eye and runs slowly down her cheek, her eyes welling with them she still stands in the middle of the room - only now she silently sobs for her shattered faith in something better, of being better. And that’s where the movie ends, no prince charming comes to her rescue, no one cares to ask her why she’s crying, no one notices her, it just ends with her there in the centre of a crowded party with tears splashed on her face. No happy ending, no more funny montages where you laugh, just an ending so numb that you can’t help but cry for her, even though you wouldn’t care about her if she wasn’t in the movie and the sappy music wasn’t playing in the background. That’s because no one notices the girl standing alone crying in the real world. That’s who I am, the girl no one notices, the one that dreams of perfection, that spends her life trying to impresses those that never note her existence, the girl that stands alone in the crowded room, I’m the girl without the happy ending.